Le Coucher

Kona-Sunset-wedding-photography-

Hello, you.

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I heard you’re getting married. Just saw a random pre-wedding picture of you and her.

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You seemed happy. Her skin glowed against the last rays of light from the sunset… And she seemed happy,too…

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Several years ago, it was what we planned — to be wed… But now, you’ll be wed to someone else. Someone who’s not me.

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The sunset? It was part of it, too. You knew how I love sunsets…

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I can still remember the way you whispered in my ear that you’ll marry me under a sunset…

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It’s ironic that I am looking at a very new photograph and yet it seems like it’s all too familiar, which makes me feel nostalgic and melancholic at the same time…

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But…

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Why am I even writing this in the first place?

The Unwanted Friend

Uncertainties and fears have crippled me,

Told the world to let me be,

My mind was filled with such a confusion,

Engulfed by sadness—

Drowned out the fiery passion.

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In their eyes

I am the strong one,

But only I know when all my strength has gone,

Abandoned and orphaned a person such as I,

No one has ever heard my silent cries.

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Half alive and scarcely breathing,

I was alone in the valley,

Yearning, searching,

Longing for something,

This is so far from being alluring.

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Words and speech slur,

Dreams and visions become a blur,

No one cares—

Yes,

no one…

I know I’ve been left all alone.

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It’s better this way in isolation,

An unwanted friend came who’s called “Depression”,

Made me sulk in the corners of my very heart,

But alas!

I have found solace in the dark…

From Dreamland to Reality

5.7.2009

 

Is this just a dream?
Is this true, is this real?

I feel you close.
I hear your heartbeat.
I see your smile.
And I melt in your eyes.
I couldn’t hold your gaze for too long
Though I wanted to— so much.
I long for your embrace—
The security from a single touch…

I remain silent—
Wanting to speak of words I do not know…
Countless waves crash onshore.

And then I heard you whisper…
Your voice echoing in my heart,
Repeating a question, over and over,
“What if this is only a dream?”

I struggled for words, you patiently waited.

I burrowed my feet beneath the damp sand,
I opened my mouth and said,
“If this is only a dream,
I’ll enjoy every minute,
Every second that you are here.”

The cold breeze sent shivers down my spine.
But it can never put off
The flame that has warmed my heart.

I smiled and breathed deeply.

You did the same…
If this is only a dream,
Would I still want to wake up?

Envisage

I dreamt of you again.

It was weird…

I never expected you to be there yet it seemed as if you were to stay by my side not only for that swift moment but till forever.

You held my hand, and I felt that a certain warmth rushed in to touch every single cell in my heart. You said you’ll be back for good, and that you won’t be leaving– not anymore. That was an awfully familiar promise of long ago, a promise that ended up getting broken.

As your lips moved to form the words that affirmed you will stay, I held my breath. I cried… But why did I? Was it because of relief? Of an intense joy? Or because of an immense sadness, knowing at the back of my mind that everything will melt away as soon as I open my eyes to wake up and  be back in reality?

Everything is so different when I am awake. Yes… Everything…

For a moment, I felt you were real. I felt your heart belonged to mine once more…

…but then again, it was only a dream.

Nothing more.

Nothing less…