For if thou must love,
Thou shalt be ready to suffer.
There are times when people look at me and they see a very tough woman. They put in their mind that my toughness makes me insusceptible to pain. So they think it’s ok to hurt me over and over.
Yet there are times that this tough woman shakes like a leaf and gets scared and hurt, too. Like all the others, there’s a small child in me that curls up in bed and cries her heart out, longing to be held by someone stronger than her.
I just am so blessed that in my weakest times, I find my fortitude in Christ alone…
Forgetting does not mean obliterating the memory of my past, but is a conscious refusal to let it absorb my attention and impede my progress.
Dear Lord, I’ve been plowing up the soil of past memories for far too long. Today, I’m going to put away the plow and start planting seeds. When You see me reaching for the plow and going back to rehash old grievances and hurts, I pray that the Holy Spirit will convict me quickly. Today, the past is the past and I’m not looking back.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Every person in this orb has his own way of dealing with hurts. But more often than not, each of us think and feel that we are all left alone in the dilemma that we are currently facing. We feel deserted. We feel betrayed by people whom we thought would be there for us till the very end; those who promised that they would never hurt or harm us. But do we ever realize that these people who said such things are also but humans? Like you and I, they too could break any promise they made. And after trusting too much, hoping too much, disloyalty comes and we end up being broken.
How do we deal with pain? How do we cope up with people or things that hurt us?
I’m not here to teach the ABC’s of healing because no one, not even I, could actually instruct another on how to heal a certain pain. I am just here to share, not to brag, a little of my experiences and how I’ve dealt with disappointments.
One accurate thing that will always remain to the ends of the age is this: IT ALL STARTS AND ENDS WITH GOD. The way on how we muddle through our troubles depends on our personal relationship with Him.
Yes, trials and troubles come, but these are just “spices” and not the “main ingredients” of life. It couldn’t be all too easy because we are meant to face these things in order for us to grow in every aspect. If we have Jesus in our hearts, we will then witness His great works and wonders in our lives. He knows the end from the beginning. The same rain that pours down on us also pours down on all the others. It’s not only you or me who’s undergoing through so much. The problem with us is that we tend to be blinded by so much hurt that’s why we are not able to realize this.
God’s grace and love are higher than any mountain peaks, wider than our thoughts, better than our ways. It wouldn’t hurt much if we start admitting to Him that we are not okay, that we are in excruciating pain. If we learn how to confess and submit, only then the real healing from Him comes.
For Christians, it doesn’t mean we won’t face troubles anymore. We will, and it’s a cold truth. We will undergo the same pain that others do. The sting gets even more real every single time. You ask why? Well, this is why.
When we go through a pain, it is then that the Lord strips us off ourselves. He tears off and removes everything He sees that hinders our growth in our relationship with Him. These things are strongly attached to us, glued to our character and our lives, thus when it is removed, it would definitely hurt. It even hurts more because we refuse to yield; we hold back, we fight. He knows what’s best but since He has given us a free will, He doesn’t force us to give up our difficulties. He tolerantly waits till we are ready to lay down our arms.
Only in His embrace could we find total healing. We can find confidence in His word and His promises. Let me cite some verses in the Bible that really encouraged me during my lowest moments.
“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.”Psalm 126: 5
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers them from them all.”Psalm 34:18-19
“My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to You— I, whom You have redeemed.”Psalm 71:23
“..Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.”Hebrews 13:5
“The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to His heavenly kingdom.”2 Timothy 4:18
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”James 1:2-3
“And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”1 Peter 5:10
If you want to find more of His great promises, I encourage you to open up your Bible or purchase one if you don’t have any.
To end this, I want to share this remarkable thought that the Lord has given me one morning. I was crying the night before that day came, having so much heaviness in my heart. As I opened my eyes the next morning, He flashed the word OUCH in my mind… and out of those words came a wonderful fact.
The Lord transformed my way of thinking. I got up my bed with a wide grin on my face and said, “Yeah! Only You, Lord, can heal!”
In every pain lies a secret that could heal…
And the secret is Him.
My eyes filled with tears
As you looked into mine
I glanced away, you need not know,
You need not find.
That familiar feeling resurfaced,
One that I tried to forget for so long.
One that I never wanted to feel ever again—
We lived our lives the way we wanted it.
Met other people along the broken path,
I thought they would help us forget.
But what they did seemed too little.
The bond that kept us connected—
all these time—
was far from being broken.
It’s just that our hearts
were too proud to admit…
In the end,
It’s not a matter of who hurt
Or who loved the most…
It’s about the truth
that even without being spoken,
Only our hearts could ever understand…
There is so much pain in my heart. I feel so weak. I feel smashed into brittle pieces. I am drowning in a sea of pain and it seems like I couldn’t swim my way out…
You know the frailness of my frame. You know how much I want to scream at the top of my lungs and wish it wasn’t me who’s feeling this right now.
But You, oh God, You know why I have to undergo this. You want to teach me more about life. You want me to experience that You are a God who could take all matters to His hands and change my adversity into a blessing.
I may not understand everything right now. I may not find all the answers. Do I need those? What I know now is that… It’s You whom I need.
I need not beg, but I am asking You to spare me from this wretchedness. Right now, I can barely stand. Won’t you please hold my heart? How does my breaking heart sound? Does it make You cry, too? I am sorry Lord, for making You cry. But thank You because You care enough to cry with me. You care enough to wipe my tears dry.
You said that I am Your princess, I am Your treasure. I am holding on to that Lord… Now, more than ever, I take delight to identify that it’s how You think of me— it’s how You treat me. The world looks at me as if I am a trash to be trampled on, but, does it matter?
You provided me everything I need. And now, I pray that you would give me serenity. I pray that You would give me strength to endure every passing moment. When all else fades Lord, I would want to be embraced by You. I want to be loved by You. For Your love alone lasts forever.
You have been despised by the world, by people whom you dearly loved… So, more than anyone else, I know You understand what it’s like to be reviled… Be with me, Lord because that’s how I feel like right now.
Though my knees quiver and my heart falters, You are gracious enough to carry me through this. I don’t understand everything Lord. Help me look beyond what I see right now. Despite my brokenness, I know You’re there. Your promises are ever so true. Help me cling to it.
Just as how you spared me from death while I was still inside mom’s womb, just as how weak my heartbeat was at that time, just as how I bargained for my life , and just as how many times I almost entered the doors of the grave, save me again right now, Lord… Don’t let me sink to the bottom. Don’t let me give up…
You created the dark clouds that bring rain, but You also created the rainbow. Encourage me that the clouds would soon dispel, and finally, help me see the rays of the sun and let me feel its warmth once more.
I won’t fight Your hands that hold me, because that’s what I unerringly need right now. Turn to me, Lord, and hold me tighter… take all of my fears away.
I may not understand… But I am willing to trust in You…
I think I’m okay.. trying not to ponder about the hurtful things that have happened in my life but rather, focusing on the positive ones that my pain has brought to me..
I am sad but striving to be happy. I strive to live my everyday as if nothing happened, as if I haven’t been hurt, as if I haven’t been lied to..
I really am keeping myself busy.. in fact, even more busy than I was before.. I don’t want to be thinking about my pain.. Or loathe the day just because I am not at my best..
The greatest folly that I could ever make is to hide my pain from God.. And I will not do that.. I want God to do a thorough search of my heart to its deepest parts. I need Him to cleanse every vein, every blood vessel, with his own pure blood that He shed on the cross so that my heart would pound again— so that it would regain it’s strength which is now faltering.
I won’t be comparing myself to others because God made me to be me.. God made me in such a way that I could be able to touch other people’s lives through my words and my actions. God made me for His glory… I long for Him to fulfill His every plan for me, and I humbly submit—with all I am, with all I have, and with all that I’m going to be.
I may be at the lowest point of my life right now but God allowed it so He could take me into greater heights with Him.
I believe that this is just one season of my life that I must courageously go through. I am not alone. I will never be. God’s holding my hands… My whole life is in his hands.
I will press on, look at the silverlining that God wants me to see. And continually, I will marvel at his wonderful love, dwell in His overwhelming presence, and mend in His warm embrace…
One day, I’ll be able to open my eyes with great wonder and say, “Lord…. I am okay… I’m healed… Thank you.”
Yet now, I hear Him say His encouraging words, “Ghay.. You will be okay.. I will give you healing… I love you..”
I feel so awful right now…
It’s as if my heart would explode and I want to burst into tears…
What is more is that I wanted so bad to be held by you, to be cradled in your strong arms as you make me hush from my crying, and as you draw me close to melt away my hurts.
Yet you are nowhere to be found… And even if I find you, this heart of mine nestles in fearful uncertainty that you will not hold me the way I wanted to be held….
I need you… so bad… but you will never hear me…
Perhaps not being able to see each other is a divine gift…
I know you are doing great at this point in time… You’re doing great— without me.
How long has it been? Yet I still feel painful twinges in my heart when my brain involuntarily drifts me to memories of you.
Have you, in one point or another, thought of me? Would that be possible? How do you perceive me? I guess there’s no way of knowing that now… I guess I’ll just let that be.
One fact I cannot deny is— I miss you…
…but I know you won’t feel the same way I do, ever again…
I dreamt of you again.
It was weird…
I never expected you to be there yet it seemed as if you were to stay by my side not only for that swift moment but till forever.
You held my hand, and I felt that a certain warmth rushed in to touch every single cell in my heart. You said you’ll be back for good, and that you won’t be leaving– not anymore. That was an awfully familiar promise of long ago, a promise that ended up getting broken.
As your lips moved to form the words that affirmed you will stay, I held my breath. I cried… But why did I? Was it because of relief? Of an intense joy? Or because of an immense sadness, knowing at the back of my mind that everything will melt away as soon as I open my eyes to wake up and be back in reality?
Everything is so different when I am awake. Yes… Everything…
For a moment, I felt you were real. I felt your heart belonged to mine once more…
…but then again, it was only a dream.