Le Coucher

Kona-Sunset-wedding-photography-

Hello, you.

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I heard you’re getting married. Just saw a random pre-wedding picture of you and her.

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You seemed happy. Her skin glowed against the last rays of light from the sunset… And she seemed happy,too…

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Several years ago, it was what we planned — to be wed… But now, you’ll be wed to someone else. Someone who’s not me.

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The sunset? It was part of it, too. You knew how I love sunsets…

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I can still remember the way you whispered in my ear that you’ll marry me under a sunset…

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It’s ironic that I am looking at a very new photograph and yet it seems like it’s all too familiar, which makes me feel nostalgic and melancholic at the same time…

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But…

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Why am I even writing this in the first place?

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The Unwanted Friend

Uncertainties and fears have crippled me,

Told the world to let me be,

My mind was filled with such a confusion,

Engulfed by sadness—

Drowned out the fiery passion.

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In their eyes

I am the strong one,

But only I know when all my strength has gone,

Abandoned and orphaned a person such as I,

No one has ever heard my silent cries.

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Half alive and scarcely breathing,

I was alone in the valley,

Yearning, searching,

Longing for something,

This is so far from being alluring.

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Words and speech slur,

Dreams and visions become a blur,

No one cares—

Yes,

no one…

I know I’ve been left all alone.

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It’s better this way in isolation,

An unwanted friend came who’s called “Depression”,

Made me sulk in the corners of my very heart,

But alas!

I have found solace in the dark…

From Dreamland to Reality

5.7.2009

 

Is this just a dream?
Is this true, is this real?

I feel you close.
I hear your heartbeat.
I see your smile.
And I melt in your eyes.
I couldn’t hold your gaze for too long
Though I wanted to— so much.
I long for your embrace—
The security from a single touch…

I remain silent—
Wanting to speak of words I do not know…
Countless waves crash onshore.

And then I heard you whisper…
Your voice echoing in my heart,
Repeating a question, over and over,
“What if this is only a dream?”

I struggled for words, you patiently waited.

I burrowed my feet beneath the damp sand,
I opened my mouth and said,
“If this is only a dream,
I’ll enjoy every minute,
Every second that you are here.”

The cold breeze sent shivers down my spine.
But it can never put off
The flame that has warmed my heart.

I smiled and breathed deeply.

You did the same…
If this is only a dream,
Would I still want to wake up?

Unspoken

5.7.2009

My eyes filled with tears
As you looked into mine
I glanced away
, you need not know,
You need not find.

That familiar feeling resurfaced,
One that I tried to forget for so long.
One that I never wanted to feel ever again—
Until now…

We lived our lives the way we wanted it.
Met other people along the broken path,
I thought they would help us forget.
But what they did seemed too little.

The bond that kept us connected—
all these time—
was far from being broken.

It’s just that our hearts
were too proud to admit…

In the end,
It’s not a matter of who hurt
Or who loved the most…

It’s about the truth
that even without being spoken,

Only our hearts could ever understand…

Gazelle’s Prayer

6.10.2009

Lord,

There is so much pain in my heart. I feel so weak. I feel smashed into brittle pieces. I am drowning in a sea of pain and it seems like I couldn’t swim my way out…

You know the frailness of my frame. You know how much I want to scream at the top of my lungs and wish it wasn’t me who’s feeling this right now.

But You, oh God, You know why I have to undergo this. You want to teach me more about life. You want me to experience that You are a God who could take all matters to His hands and change my adversity into a blessing.

I may not understand everything right now. I may not find all the answers. Do I need those? What I know now is that… It’s You whom I need.

I need not beg, but I am asking You to spare me from this wretchedness. Right now, I can barely stand. Won’t you please hold my heart? How does my breaking heart sound? Does it make You cry, too? I am sorry Lord, for making You cry. But thank You because You care enough to cry with me. You care enough to wipe my tears dry.

You said that I am Your princess, I am Your treasure. I am holding on to that Lord… Now, more than ever, I take delight to identify that it’s how You think of me— it’s how You treat me. The world looks at me as if I am a trash to be trampled on, but, does it matter?

You provided me everything I need. And now, I pray that you would give me serenity. I pray that You would give me strength to endure every passing moment. When all else fades Lord, I would want to be embraced by You. I want to be loved by You. For Your love alone lasts forever.

You have been despised by the world, by people whom you dearly loved… So, more than anyone else, I know You understand what it’s like to be reviled… Be with me, Lord because that’s how I feel like right now.

Though my knees quiver and my heart falters, You are gracious enough to carry me through this. I don’t understand everything Lord. Help me look beyond what I see right now. Despite my brokenness, I know You’re there. Your promises are ever so true. Help me cling to it.

Just as how you spared me from death while I was still inside mom’s womb, just as how weak my heartbeat was at that time, just as how I bargained for my life , and just as how many times I almost entered the doors of the grave, save me again right now, Lord… Don’t let me sink to the bottom. Don’t let me give up…

You created the dark clouds that bring rain, but You also created the rainbow. Encourage me that the clouds would soon dispel, and finally, help me see the rays of the sun and let me feel its warmth once more.

I won’t fight Your hands that hold me, because that’s what I unerringly need right now. Turn to me, Lord, and hold me tighter… take all of my fears away.

I may not understand… But I am willing to trust in You…

30 LETTERS

This is supposed to be the 30 letters in 30 days challenge, but since I have a hectic schedule (because of work, etc.) I will be writing the said letters at my own pacing. 🙂

Will be pouring my heart out to these. And I do hope as people around the globe get to know me, I would all the more get to know who I really am.

This is the list of letters that I am supposed to make:

Letter 1 — Your best friend

Letter 2 — Your crush

Letter 3 — Your parents

Letter 4 — Your siblings (or closest relative)

Letter 5 — Your dreams

Letter 6 — A stranger

Letter 7 — Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Letter 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Letter 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Letter 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Letter 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to

Letter 12 — The person who caused you a lot of pain

Letter 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Letter 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Letter 15 — The person you miss the most

Letter 16 — Someone who’s not in your country

Letter 17 — Someone from your childhood

Letter 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Letter 19 — Someone that pesters your mind–good or bad

Letter 20 — The one who broke your heart the hardest

Letter 21 — Someone you judged by the first impression

Letter 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Letter 23 — The last person you kissed

Letter 24 — The person who gave you your favorite memory

Letter 25 — The person whom you know is going through the worst of times

Letter 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Letter 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Letter 28 — Someone who changed  your life

Letter 29 — The person you want to tell everything to, but are too afraid

Letter 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Join me in my journey. 🙂 Here we go! 😀

ImY

Perhaps not being able to see each other is a divine gift…

I know you are doing great at this point in time… You’re doing great— without me.

How long has it been? Yet I still feel painful twinges in my heart when my brain involuntarily drifts me to memories of you.

Have you, in one point or another, thought of me? Would that be possible? How do you perceive me? I guess there’s no way of knowing that now… I guess I’ll just let that be.

One fact I cannot deny is— I miss you…

…but I know you won’t feel the same way I do, ever again…