In my twenty-two years of life, I’ve experienced so many downfalls. And each time that I experience one, there’s always this question that rises up: “Will I be able to make it?”
Like what most people are guilty about, I also take matters into my hands whenever a problem says hello to me. You know, like, “manipulating my own life”. I seek for possible solutions. I hunt for remedies. And the more I pour out my efforts,the more it doesn’t seem to bring me cure.
Initially, that would be my reaction. And then just as my predicament seems to aggravate, that would be the time when I’d realize that no matter what I do, it would never put out the flares of pain. Well, perhaps it could give a “first-aid”, but technically, it’s not the kind that lasts. It wouldn’t re-establish my wellness. What happens is the alternative. It only fans the flame, making it larger and threatens my life for further destruction.
This is a very common scene to me and though it is awfully familiar, ironically, I don’t seem to learn. Talk about being stubborn!
When a problem finally guzzles me, I struggle to hit upon loopholes only to find out that there are none. And after I exhaust myself out, that would be the time when I’d remember that I could always depend on a Higher Power than me.
More often than not, I tend to forget that there is a God who sees and knows everything. What a fool am I making out of myself? I confess with my mouth that I believe in God and yet I contradict it with the way I live my life. Utterly foolish!
I remember the story in Matthew 8:23-27 when the Lord Jesus calmed the storm. He was with His disciples inside a boat, and was about to cross a lake to get to the other side, when a tempest came. During this time, Jesus was sleeping. The boat was being swamped by the great waves and everyone was in danger. His terrified disciples came to wake Jesus up and told Him that they were about to drown. Right away, Jesus rebuked the wind and the raging waters, the storm subsided and suddenly, all was calm. Then He asked His disciples a stunning question that rings also in my ears, “Where is your faith?”
Where, oh where, indeed, is my faith? I felt slapped on the face as I re-read that story in the Bible. I could relate mostly with the panic-stricken disciples. They were so frightened of the storm even if the Lord Jesus was right there with them in the flesh! I felt like having the same untrusting heart as theirs.
Me and my doubtful heart… How could I ever seek solutions on my own when from the very start, Jesus is always with me and that He is the only key to every problem? I can’t help but shake my head and feel ashamed of myself.
The good thing is that: THE LORD UNDERSTANDS COMPLETELY. He always does and always will. No matter how poorly I take this into consideration, He will still be the most loving, most understanding God. After all, He is the ONLY God! And He has proven that two thousand years ago when He let Himself be nailed on the rugged cross.
I only marvel at how patient He waits for me to give up my difficulty and put it in His hands, and I am left in great wonder at how He carefully takes it away from my grasp. And now with my empty, bleeding hands facing up, He cures every wound and gives overflowing gifts as replacement to the gruesome baggage I held on to before.
He never gets tired of loving me even though how obdurate I may seem. Ever so delicately, He would assure me that. He tells me that I won’t ever be alone. And I believe Him. Only He could see through my filth; only He could love the unlovable in me, and forgive the inexcusable in me. Though I am sodden in the mud, with His bare hands, and by His blood, He washes me clean.
And now, I perceive things in a new light. Only then do I see the splendor of having a difficulty, of experiencing the tempests of life. Only then through such circumstances do I appreciate more the works of the Lord. The beauty of it is having Jesus by my side through every trial.
When I find myself asking in the midst of a squall, “Will I be able to make it?” I am sure that I would hear Jesus say, “Of course my dear Ghay, you will! I am with you… And that is enough.”