The Pursuit

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The world is flooded with Your grace and mercy,
submerged in Your love and warm embrace.
Yet the one You love—
the apple of Your eyes—
still prefers to leave You behind.
The one You love hurts you
more often than not,
clings to things that would easily fade.
and to this day that You have made
You still choose to love her—no matter what…
Tears fall from Your eyes
as You see her run further and further,
but You’re still willing to pick her up,
dust her off and love her again
every single time she fails You.
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Her future is bright and always will be
if she would just trust and surrender—
there is still a lot to learn.
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And that is what it is all about—
You,
Your love,
and Your forgiveness…
Enduring,
Ever persistent,
Gracious and consistent;
One that’s second to none,
the kind that continues longer than forever.
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And yes, truth abides,
She can never ever
outrun You.

Thank You Mom!

~This is something my mom wrote for my birthday (June 10,2013)… Thanks for the unconditional love, mom!  I love you…~

 

 

To a wonderful daughter who is the most artistic of all my children…
Another miracle baby. She came out earlier than scheduled and thanks to God because her heartbeat was fainter than it should be since i was sick for a week. I couldn’t push…i was so weak. But she came out with a loud alto voice. A fighter from the beginning.
I was bleeding heavily, suffered from uterine atony…I woke up soaked with blood. But God made the baby strong. The heaviest and the biggest of all my children..

The singer of the family. She sings when the car starts its engine and stops when the car reaches its destination. The longest concert… from guiguinto, bulacan to Lemery, Batangas…at the age of 4.She was singing gospel songs…my nightingale.

She started to draw at the age of 1 1/2 barely mastered holding a pen. all four corners of our wall had her priceless masterpieces. Asked a paint brush and oil paint at the bookstore at the age of 5 as her birthday gift which I decline. We went home without any gift for her. She doesn’t want any of the things we suggested… she only wanted the oil paint and brush. Christmas, she again asked for it and saying..”d ba wala akong gift nong birthday ko?” (I didn’t have a gift on my birthday, remember?)–so i did give her what she wanted. -my female version of Michaelangelo.

It brings back all the memories of the childhood years of my children every time their birthday comes. Now…she had fought the battles of her life and came out victorious..made her life colorful with her own paint and brushes and a beautiful masterpiece with the Lord Jesus as her Great Saviour and teacher.

You will always be a child in my heart, you will always be my nightingale and my female michaelangelo.. the bonus is i have now my small version of you—Anaiah.

Hold on to the Lord, He is our everything..when you don’t understand..trust His heart… Mommy and daddy will always be here for you no matter what happens. WE LOVE YOU ANAK….HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAY

Putting My Plow Away

Forgetting does not mean obliterating the memory of my past, but is a conscious refusal to let it absorb my attention and impede my progress.

 

 

Dear Lord, I’ve been plowing up the soil of past memories for far too long. Today, I’m going to put away the plow and start planting seeds. When You see me reaching for the plow and going back to rehash old grievances and hurts, I pray that the Holy Spirit will convict me quickly. Today, the past is the past and I’m not looking back.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Let It Go

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk
Away from you: let them walk.
I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
Loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
Staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might
Be made manifest that they were not for us.
For had they been of us, no doubt they
Would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means
That their part in the story is over. And you’ve got
To know when people’s part in your story is over so that you
Don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something.
I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful,
it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God
Means for me to have He’ll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it.
Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you
And was never intended for your life, then you need to……
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ……
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can’t treat you right, love you back,
And see your worth…..
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you,
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge……
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction……
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets
Your needs or talents
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude…….
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……
LET IT GO!!!
If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take
You to a new level in Him……..
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship…….
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even
Try to help themselves……
LET IT GO!!!
If you’re feeling depressed and stressed ………
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to
Handling yourself and God is saying
“take your hands off of it,” then you need to……
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for this New Year!
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left .. Think about it, and then,
LET IT GO!!!
“The Battle is the Lord’s!”

~T.D. Jakes

A Soothing Wave of Comfort

2.23.2010

I grew up not being able to develop a healthy relationship with my parents and my siblings. I was close to them, close in terms of just having dinner together, cracking jokes, sharing hearty laughs, and going to the mall and other stuff that a family was “expected” to do. I thought that being able to do those activities were enough. I was close to them, but I was not really open. And as years were added to my age, I became accustomed to that.

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Since we were not financially well-off and income was scarce, my parents strived so hard to work for us. My two other siblings and I were often left in the care of my uncles and grandmother (mom’s side), whom I thought of as a “witch and evil sorcerers”. I must not bawl within the earshot of my grandmother, or else, I am doomed. My uncles however, didn’t seem to care. I am not saying that they were really wicked. But in my very young mind, they were!

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Whenever I scraped a knee while playing with my cousins in the backyard, or had a bad dream as I took a nap in the afternoon, mom and dad weren’t at all times by my side. Though I wanted to have them cradle me in their arms and kiss my wounded knee, I often tucked myself in bed; sobbed frantically while I hugged a shirt of my mom (her scent on the shirt gave me relief). You see, these kinds of things were BIG things for me back then. I couldn’t do anything but to understand that my parents had to work for the welfare of their children. I knew that my philosophies compared to other kids my age was a bit “advanced”. I somehow forced myself to mature prematurely. I was pretty sure that my siblings had their own way of “coping up”, but I was too consumed by my own dealings at that time.

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When I started schooling, things became more different. I saw my parents very early in the morning; mom prepared “baon”, dad still on their bed. In the afternoon as I came back from school, they weren’t still at home. Oftentimes, they came when we are already asleep. I would be slightly awakened when I sensed them giving me a peck on the cheek, a sign that they were already home.

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I would always see my parents as very good providers. If not for them, I wouldn’t become a professional that I am right now. I wouldn’t even know who Jesus is. I remember mom and dad hugging me and telling me that they love me. When I was little, I would gladly respond “I love you” back. But as I grew up, somewhere along the line, I had difficulty of responding back to them. It felt like I am being choked whenever I tried to. I avoided mushy things. I felt embarrassed but when I already am alone again, I really felt sad at that. I knew that they were aware of my uneasiness when they do that, so there came a point that they wouldn’t do it for me anymore just because I wanted them not to.

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Having been able to adapt in an atmosphere that I created for myself, I thought it was normal. I thought it was okay. But little did I know that I was so wrong—appallingly wrong! I was never at ease on telling them my personal issues, even about my crushes or a friend that I had misunderstandings with, the relationships I had with people, the troubles I had in school or in my workplace. I was pretty much comfortable of taking the entire burden by myself. It was a whole lot easier for me to open up to a close friend rather than them.

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I am good at hiding my pain. I am excellent at pretending I am okay when in reality I am not. If I know I could do something all by myself, I wouldn’t dare ask for help. People know me as a jolly and a strong person. But my family, without me even realizing, knows me beyond that. They know all my good traits and the quirks of my personality.

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The Lord God has destined me to be a part of this family for a massive reason. And last night, He showed me just a part of that.

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It was the typical. I was undergoing an intense pain and all the while I thought I could make it by myself. I tried to shake it off, did things that would divert my attention but the pain was really stubborn! It wouldn’t go! I felt I was about to explode. I walked here and there, asking the Lord what to do. I don’t have my trusted friends beside me at that time. I felt alone.

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“I need a friend, Lord, I need a friend… Someone whom I could just open up to, rub my shoulders and tell me things are going to be okay,” that was my desperate cry. I felt tears welling up my eyes. I blinked them away. I knew it was impossible to go to a friend at that time of night. This was EMERGENCY! But I couldn’t find a friend in sight. Of course, I was inside the house, and there’s no way for me to go out. The night was already deep. A text message and a phone call would be insufficient.

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I felt the Holy Spirit’s prompting. “Go to your mom and sister, Ghay. They are women. They would understand. They are your friends and I have crafted them in a way that would be suitable for you. They can help.”

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“No way, Lord! Uh-uh! Friends? No, they are not! They’re just my family but not my friends. They wouldn’t understand me, Lord… Believe me!” I argued furthermore.

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“Now, isn’t that pride overcoming you? That doesn’t come from Me. You are asking Me for friends and I suggested your mom and your sister. Are My opinions not credible enough? Isn’t it your turn to believe Me?” the Lord eagerly responded.

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Well, just some advice… First, never impose a debate with the Lord. You will never win. Second, never belittle the things and ways in which He speaks. Third, if He tells you to do something, do it precisely; that is, if you don’t want to be sorry even more.

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So, I raised my white flag, “Okay, Lord, you win. This better be good,” and went inside the room (my sister and I share the same room). Mom and my sister were there. Ate JP was already lying on her bed, trying to get some sleep. Mom, on the other hand, was also preparing to go to bed. I somehow felt to step back and wanted to change my mind. But the Lord’s green traffic light was on. There was no turning back.

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With my eyes already filled with tears, I approached mom who was about to go out of the room, embraced her and she hugged back. Then after a while, my lips quivering, I whispered, “Mommy, pwede ka bang (sob) makausap?” (Mom.. can we talk?)

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I was a few inches taller than mom but she managed to stroke my hair and replied, “Hinihintay lang kitang magsabi.” (I’m just waiting for you to open up.) What??? She knew! Good grief!

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Mom sat on a chair and wanted me to sit on her lap (just like the old times!), but I insisted to just sit on the floor while I hugged her on her waist, my face buried on her chest. My tears just flowed and sobs reached my sister’s ears, she got up from her almost-slumber-state and rushed to me.

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I told my heartaches and opened up to them while a waterfall of tears flowed from my already puffed eyes. They just sat there, and listened; mom continuously held me in her arms and stroked my untidy hair, Ate JP rubbed my shoulders with her hand. I was surprised to find them crying with me! I did not expect it. It was a tear-filled night but I felt the Holy Spirit comforting me through my mom and my sister. And I knew He was there with us in the room, embracing us altogether. It dawned on me that the Lord has given me a security and a source of protection inside my very home—my family.

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As I was still crying, mom tearfully gave me words of wisdom. My sister also shared her thoughts and I must admit that those helped me ease the pain. I asked for forgiveness if at some point in my life, I have by-passed them and didn’t give them the respect that they were due. They assured me that whatever happens, they are there to support me and to love me. The unconditional love of Christ was mirrored through these beautiful women that I have disregarded countless of times!Mom led us in prayer that I believe bonded us now more than ever. It was liberating. It really is a blessing to have been surrounded with Godly people who shares the wisdom that the Lord has gifted them with. And I am glad that these Godly people are my family!

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Jesus gave me “new-found friends” that had been there all along ever since I was born. He bridged the gap that I created and united me with them once again. He is truly awesome!

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At my last teardrop last night, I am very much aware that my healing already started. And if ever tears may come once more, I know deep in my heart, that I would never have to cry again alone…

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“God sets the lonely in families…”

PSALMS 68:6a

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“A wise son heeds his father’s instruction,

but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.”

PROVERBS 13:1

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“My comfort in my suffering is this:

Your promise preserves my life.”

PSALMS 119:50

 

It’s Now or Never

12.26.2009

There are times when we get hurt by people who are really dear to us. And yeah, it sucks. However, there are also times when it’s us who cause pain on other people, but frequently, we are unaware or we become too insensitive of others’ feelings.

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When we get hurt by others, we protest in the best way we could. But when we hurt them, we just shrug it off and act innocent. We even put all the blame on them even if it’s us who have done them wrong.

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Time and again, there’s often a word we consciously do not say right after we’ve hurt someone. We just automatically swallow it back right down our throats and don’t even care of when’s the next time we’ll have the chance to say it.

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SORRY.

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It’s a word that’s been repeatedly ignored, taken for granted, trashed. It’s a five-letter-word that can create a major impact in our lives or someone else’s. It can turn matters upside-down. Still, its meaning isn’t at all times taken seriously.

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Many of us tend to think, “I’ll just say it to him/her the next time we bump on each other,” believing that there will probably be a next time. But what if there isn’t? Are we sure that we won’t be living our lives in regret?

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Are our hearts and consciences already that calloused that we can bear seeing other people have difficulty on carrying a burden that we caused? Are we that insensitive because we know their hearts ache and yet we are not a bit concerned?

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Selfishness. Pride. Anger. All these are just some factors why we end up keeping our hearts, our minds, and our mouths shut. We thought this would shield us from getting ourselves hurt. Right?

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Wrong!

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The more we keep these in us, the more rotten we become. We will get rotten to the core, little by little, and we will be left ignorant and disoriented of a battle we’ve created in our own lives. Our inmost beings decay and it’s only a matter of time when we will catch its stinky whiff on air.

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We live in a decomposing world– a world covered in the grime of sin. And if we let sin rule in our lives, we putrefy even faster than we think.

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Sorry, if wholeheartedly and unabashedly said, can soften hardened hearts. It opens a door to healing, both ways, and provides a way to reconciliation.

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Sorry can create a bridge on a broken road of friendship or any kind of relationships. It may not give instant results, but it can offer a fresh start.

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Sorry might be too short to utter, but when it’s been said in a truthful way, its impact may last a lifetime.

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Sorry is a weighty word. It isn’t weighty because it’s hard to say. It is so because it has a heavy meaning. And it only gets cumbersome to vocally express when it’s not from the heart and when we are too self-centered. Many are just oblivious of this truth…

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Sorry may not thoroughly bring about immediate forgiveness on the other party, but it will surely give us a beautiful hope that one day, there is a chance of being forgiven. It will then set us free…

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“Live a life filled with love for others…

Be careful how you live…

Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days.

Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.”

Ephesians 5:2, 15, 16-17

(New Living Translation)

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Sorry is a serious word. Let us mean it when we say it. It’s as saying that we would do everything not to commit the same mistake over and over—or better yet, not to commit it anymore.

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This is our final call. Say our apologies now to the ones we’ve hurt before everything gets too late?

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Or be sorry forever…

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“If anyone says, ‘I am living in the light,’ but hates a Christian brother or sister,

That person is still living in the darkness…

Anyone who hates a Christian brother or sister is living and walking in darkness.

Such a person is lost, having been blinded by the darkness.”

1 John 2:9, 11

(New Living Translation)