Unsatisfied and Unquenched

7.20.2009

I had this peculiar hunger in my heart last night. I only labeled it as “peculiar” because it was an alien feeling to me, something that I have never felt intensely before or perhaps something that I have denied myself to feel.
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This feeling was stirred-up as I was reading a new book, Under Cover, together with my Bible. I was inspired by its author, John Bevere, and was encouraged by his testimonies. God has been using Him for numerous things and I really am glad that the book found its way in my hands for I have been really learning a lot!
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As I came to a certain chapter, this hunger, this thirst surfaced. It wasn’t of the physical, it was spiritual. It was so overpowering, too intense that I had to stop reading. I couldn’t contain it. I laid the book down; I closed my eyes, and heaved a heavy sigh. I felt the need to bow my head and pray. And that’s what I did.
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In almost a whisper, I said, “Lord, I don’t know… But I have this sudden hunger in my heart. I want to be a person who would reach out to others so I could minister to them…”
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And for reasons that are not known to me, I then started crying. I asked, “Oh, Lord, what are you doing with my heart now?”
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That’s when He spoke to me, in my heart, “I am transforming you into a better person.”
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“Into a better person?”
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“Yes.” He affirmed.
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Silence… Then I said, “Whatever it is that I would have to undergo, I will submit, Lord.”
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“I know you will.” His answers were so brief and direct. He knows that I will? But of course! He is God!
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“But, please… Help me?” The usual, scared Ghay kicked in. I clenched my fists together—so hard that I felt they’ve gone white—and casted the slightest fear away.
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“I will, Ghay.”
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My fear instantly vanished after He said that. Then I told Him with all of my heart, “Oh, I love you Lord.”
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I almost saw Him smile warmly as He replied, “I love you more…”
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And at that, tears of joy came running down my cheeks. I savored the tranquility of the moment. I was intoxicated by His presence. I wanted to be lost in His embrace. For a few more minutes, I just remained where I was, worshipping the Lord silently—yearning for more of Him.
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It is true! He loves me more. He loves me more than anything. He loves me more than I love Him.
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It was a night that I would probably remember for the rest of my life. I have so many unforgettable moments because of Him, memories and experiences that I wouldn’t trade for anything. And it left a greater hunger in my heart, a hunger only for Him.
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I remembered what Psalm 42:1-2 says, “As the deer pants for the streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?”
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I still feel that thirst even up to this very moment and I pray that it would linger on for as long as I live on this earth; one that only the Lord could quench and satisfy.
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I am thrilled at what He is about to do in my life. He will transform me into a better person, and I believe He has started that last night. He holds me at the hollow of His hand and I really desire not to go out of the parameters of His divine protection. He is my Father, and I am His child. He knows what’s best for me, He has seen my future even before. And as a child who loves her Father, I would heed His call so that He would be proud of me.
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DEEPER IN LOVE
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There is a longing only You can fill
A raging tempest only You can still
My soul is thirsty Lord, to know You as I know
Drink from the river that flows before Your throne
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Chorus:
Take me deeper, deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper, deeper than I’ve never been before
I just want to love you more and more
How I long to be deeper in love
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Sunrise to sunrise, I will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit to the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You a hope that will abide
Here in Your presence, forever satisfied
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…How I long to be deeper in love.

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