I think I’m okay.. trying not to ponder about the hurtful things that have happened in my life but rather, focusing on the positive ones that my pain has brought to me..
I am sad but striving to be happy. I strive to live my everyday as if nothing happened, as if I haven’t been hurt, as if I haven’t been lied to..
I really am keeping myself busy.. in fact, even more busy than I was before.. I don’t want to be thinking about my pain.. Or loathe the day just because I am not at my best..
The greatest folly that I could ever make is to hide my pain from God.. And I will not do that.. I want God to do a thorough search of my heart to its deepest parts. I need Him to cleanse every vein, every blood vessel, with his own pure blood that He shed on the cross so that my heart would pound again— so that it would regain it’s strength which is now faltering.
I won’t be comparing myself to others because God made me to be me.. God made me in such a way that I could be able to touch other people’s lives through my words and my actions. God made me for His glory… I long for Him to fulfill His every plan for me, and I humbly submit—with all I am, with all I have, and with all that I’m going to be.
I may be at the lowest point of my life right now but God allowed it so He could take me into greater heights with Him.
I believe that this is just one season of my life that I must courageously go through. I am not alone. I will never be. God’s holding my hands… My whole life is in his hands.
I will press on, look at the silverlining that God wants me to see. And continually, I will marvel at his wonderful love, dwell in His overwhelming presence, and mend in His warm embrace…
One day, I’ll be able to open my eyes with great wonder and say, “Lord…. I am okay… I’m healed… Thank you.”
Yet now, I hear Him say His encouraging words, “Ghay.. You will be okay.. I will give you healing… I love you..”