Unrecuperated Love

(This was a letter I wrote to someone who has been a big part of me and yet ended up as a stranger… Sad, but there are things we have to let go of  in order to welcome new ones. Some stories end up not the way we want it to. But there are a great deal of lessons embedded in it.)
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Things change.
People change.
I changed.
And so did you…
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No matter how much we want to go back, we can’t and we never will.
I still need time for me to believe all your words. All the things you’ve been telling me lately.
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I love you but my trust have been stepped on before… My trust crumbled to pieces. And those are what I exactly need to get back.
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I hope you would help me out on picking them up… I hope.. I just hope..
I know there are many girls out there who would die just to have you.
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But, I just simply died… when you left…
And it was a nightmare…
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We all have nightmares we need to wake up from… And I need to totally wake up from mine…
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Time… Still need time…
God’s time… Not mine, not yours. But His.
I will embrace you in my heart once more. And I am excited at the thought of that… But… When I AM WHOLE AGAIN…
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The reason why I don’t want to commit to you is that I still don’t have that WHOLE TRUST yet. I have DOUBTS in you…
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And I would be unfair to you and to myself if I accept you right away.
You were right also when you said not to commit to anyone or anything unless I am sure…
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Yes, I strongly agree… I want to be sure of my feelings for you. Or if this is still love that I’m feeling towards you.
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I want to be ACCURATELY SURE before I commit myself and my heart once again to you.
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Yes… We can never go  back to yesterday.
But we can start a new tomorrow.
We just have to wait…
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If you could wait for me, then, you would also do everything to gain my trust.
It’s not only up to me. It is also up to you to win my heart back….
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And if it’s true about the thing that you said that it’s really ME that YOU LOVE…
If it’s me… Then it has to be ME—ALONE.
love_lost_by_genevi143

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